Working as an escort alongside your studies: “Sometimes I’m exhausted in lectures”
In addition to her economics studies at the UvA, Zara* has quite an unusual side job: She is a high-class escort. She wants to make the taboo on “exciting” sex work disappear. “I don't want to let go of the excitement of this double life.”
Zara* (24) is getting her master’s in economics, loves dramatic movies, wears chic designer clothes, and can read for hours. Her side job takes her to places all over the world, into intimate contact with many people, and teaches her to get in touch with her sensual side. About her job, Zara herself says that first of all, “I'm mostly a student and maybe ten percent escort.”
“For me, sex work is just an exciting side job, which I would do even if I didn't get so much money for it. I think there's a bit of a taboo on women being very sensual, but I've been curious about sex from a young age. Even when I was an adolescent I bought thongs and went dancing half-naked in front of the mirror. My ex-partner didn't like that I was so sexually interested because men tend to think you'll cheat or something.”
Sexual connection
“So when my relationship broke up during corona, I started looking for an escort business to have interesting experiences. I am enthusiastic, artistic, and interested in people. By doing this, I can really get to know someone at lightning speed and experience intriguing moments. For example, I have wealthy businessmen who are very mean on the phone to their partners, but in bed with me then show themselves just as vulnerable. That intimate contact is what I mainly keep looking for in this job.”
“That's why I always find it important to connect with someone first and foremost. Even if it's a joke, someone talking sweetly about their puppy, a half-shared interest, I can also find someone attractive for their character.”
“Younger clients, on the other hand, sometimes want to go straight to sex, climax quickly, and go all night, whereas with older men I often feel more of that contact. For example, I recently had a man who, after a nice conversation, also completely initiated me into tantra. Then I also have that connection sexually, without necessarily finding someone externally attractive.”
Attractive clients
“I rarely find clients physically attractive anyway. In my private life, I have a very specific type. It does happen occasionally, though, that an escort falls in love with a client. Children and stable families have even come out of our company. But I create a distance so that this does not happen to me. When the alarm clock rings and I take a shower, it's over. It is also very tiring. Still, during conversations and during sex, I am always the most enthusiastic version of Zara that exists. Looking grumpy is not in the cards for hours. After a night in bed with someone, sometimes I'm really exhausted during lectures.''
Books and film tips
“Fortunately, with my education, I can do plenty from a distance. Last week I was on vacation with a man, and then I did some quick studying on the plane before exams. But I get to places in the world I've never been. And when I go away for a few days I earn several thousand euros.”
“Still, it's not just the very rich who book a high-class escort, mind you. Some men save a whole year for it. That sometimes gives you a considerable responsibility. I get a wealth of gifts in the process. I love art and culture, so I'm inundated with books and movie tips. My aunt always tells me to be careful with that. They shouldn't think you're their friend, she often warns me.”
“That aunt is the only family member who knows about my sex work. My father thinks you have to be schizophrenic to do this work. And my mother just wouldn't get it. I have told some ‘close’ friends, though. After all, you have to be able to vent your crazy stories to someone.”
“But it also happened once that I ran into a college friend while staying in a hotel with a man. He then called me by my real name, but I quickly skipped away on my Louboutins (expensive branded shoes, ed.). And the other day I ran into a client at my gym. I completely stiffened, walked up to him and just said, ‘This is my gym!’ I never saw him working out again after that.”
“But I also somehow keep sex separate private and business. For example, I never have an orgasm when working. I only pretend sometimes. My orgasm is for me. I also dare to be more submissive with my partners. The missionary position, or otherwise on the bottom, is my favorite position. But with clients, I don't want to lose that control, so then it's mostly doggy style. During sex at home, I can then just lie lazily on my back.”
Instructive evenings
But I also discover new things at work. I sometimes get booked for a ménage-à-trois with couples. I had already done that once with my boyfriend at the time, but the girl went after him afterward. You don't have that problem with a sex worker and such nights can be very nice experiences. Especially when women over 40 have no shame about how they masturbate or what turns them on. I can learn a lot from that lack of shame as a girl in her early twenties.”
“Not that unpleasant things never happen. The other day a man tried to manipulate me into doing things that I had indicated beforehand I didn't want. In doing so, he broke that very connection I had always sought. But our agent from Society Service stands behind us.
She screens intensively, lets novice girls go only with regular clients, and everything you want sexually is discussed in advance.”
Double life
“Sometimes, however, men just step into a victim role in such cases, but this work is only possible if you set boundaries. My agent has said, ‘Go see the man and indicate in the conversation that he has crossed a line.’”
“I'm glad I can stand my ground in situations like that because I still haven't played out the double life of studying and lying in a bath in a five-star hotel at night with a glass of bubbly. In daily life, I sometimes walk around college thinking: Just last night I was standing with a whip in my hand slapping someone's buttocks. Even though I'll soon graduate from college, possibly find a partner, and maybe one day have a baby, I secretly don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of the thrill.”
*Zara is a fictitious name. Her real name is known to the editor-in-chief.
